A Sadist and Misanthrope.

I very nearly got ditched by Deanna for Halloween tomorrow. That would've severely limited the amount of candy I could lay claim to. This way I can say, "I was right there walking with you too! You OWE me that tiny Jersey Milk bar."

In other hilarious news I've been berated by someone I don't even know through the power of the internets! Now, Jo and Susan have threatened my life at various intervals and they never let an opportunity to threaten me with a punch to the box pass them by, but neither of them has ever said that it's a "pity people like you are allowed to survive." No, really, go read it. Read the entry and then scroll to the comments.

You were quite right Nick, I laughed and laughed. I particularly liked the part where my attitude towards the fictional marmosets was provided as a parallel to my attitude towards the potential fruit of my loins. Keith was right, I've already picked a dumpster to dispose of the as-yet-unborn little Jimmy and little Pepe, hating them as I do all God's creatures.

Unlike Keith, my coworkers are definitely starting to feel the Toni-love. I tend to think of myself as an acquired taste, and they are acquiring a taste friends. This doesn't provide me with any sort of job security, and I'm barely getting enough hours to support my book habit but it does make work a much more pleasant place to go. And when I screw up, they're all very nice to me.

"That's the problem with the American Dream, it makes everyone concerned about the day they're going to be rich."

Sweet Jesus! I just watched Ways and Means from the third season of the West Wing. It's everything that's good about that show and it's Sorkin doing what he does best. The staff is fast and witty and working like a well-oiled machine. Sorkin manages to make you care about issues and big words and at the same time he makes you care about the people and their relationships and how they're doing their job.

You should all download it. Season 3, episode 3. And by download, I of course mean purchase legally. I know I did!

The only way this episode could've been better is if my dearest Susan had been at my side, squealing at the cuteness of Cliff and Donna, despite the fact that he's a Republican and she's clearly meant to be with Josh.

Watch it. Watch it right now!
And that's quite enough of that.

This is where God would come if he had to quit blow.

Yeah, my title is hopelessly derivative. All of the good ones are. I hate writing titles. I wrote the quote down in my paper journal sometime on the weekend but I have no idea where I heard it. Possibly Lewis Black on the Daily Show?

It was a crisp Autumn day, ridiculously idyllic and it was my weekend with Deanna in this ridiculous custody agreement I've had going on with my step-dad since my Mom died, coming up on a decade now. The arrangement is as follows: he tries to be a father as little as possible and I try to remember that I'm supposed to have a life. Oh yes, I'm bitter.

Saturday I attempted to cook for my family, with mixed results, and then attempted to navigate the emotional mindfield that is a young brain, also with mixed results. I didn't really have high hopes for Sunday.

And then it was a amazing. We saw three waterfalls and approximately 17.8 million red and gold leaves. There was Sun and puppies and ponies. I slid down a muddy hill (in pursuit of a photographic opportunity) like the graceful butterfly I am and whenever Deanna could get her hands on my camera, she took pictures of my muddy ass. Deanna was happy, Grandpa was happy, I was happy. Autumn rules!

Working Girl.

Working in a portrait studio is going to be an exercise in the ridiculous, I can just feel it. Mostly my responsibilities today consisted of reading the manual and signing forms and getting affixed with a nametag and an employee discount. In the large manual that I had to read, amongst the many reminders that the customer is always right, the word glamorize appeared at least twice. When I'm presenting the picture options to people, I'm supposed to glamorize their photos. The manual doesn't say how this is to be accomplished. Just that I should glamorize to maxmize my sales.

Ohdearbabyjesus.

Who writes this? Seriously. If you're so concerned about how I'm going to be presenting photos to the customer you really need to do more than give vague statements with words that sound like they're made up. I can only follow directions I understand.

Questionable manual aside, I think I'm going to like working there. The nametag has really won me over. It's gold and doesn't say Toni.

Also, I got to play with kiddies today and because it wasn't my responsibility to get a good shot out of them, it was pretty fun. One of them was in a Minnie Mouse costume! Kids like me. It's adults I, on occasion, have trouble with.

Battlestar Galacticsimpsons

Okay, you'll probably only properly appreciate this if you're Barb, or a closet Battlestar Galactica fan. You should be watching it. It's probably the best plotted show I've ever watched. Sci-fi with depth. It's about fifty times better than Lost and all the other crap on television. And it has hot robots. And hot humans.

A fellow nerd, with much better drawing skills than me, drew the Battlestar Galactica characters as if they were on The Simpsons.

I plotzed. They're so well done.

Battlestar GalacticSimpsons

Much Ado About Something.

We went to see Much Ado About Nothing on Saturday! We had a girls night out. It was supposed to be Sushi and Shakespeare but we didn't end up doing sushi. Shakespeare more than made up for it, in large part because my experience with performed Shakespeare was entirely limited to the fifteen minute Hamlet (which was brilliant) that Susan directed back in the day.

I know Stratford is the 'establishment' and that I should hate them but I'm like, not actually in theatre, and whether they take risks or sold out to the man or not doesn't really matter to me. Also, I didn't pay full price for my ticket, so I don't really care what they charge. I only have a social conscience about theatre when I'm watching Slings and Arrows. Because Paul Gross tells me too. Oh the things I would do to that man!

Although, I've gotta say, the gift shop made me pretty unhappy. The Shakespeare
Action Figure was rather amusing but the hats on sale and the forty dollar ties were not. In fact, everything was a million dollars and the shop was stuffed to the gills with people and my feet hurt, so I really just wanted to rush through and get to our seats.

The show wasn't perfect, Beatrice I'm looking at you, but the Festival Theatre was beautiful, the seats were comfy for the first hour and 45 minutes and we had a great view of the stage. I developed a slight old man crush on the guy who played Benedict and a pretty serious dislike for the girl who played Hero.

It being cheapie night, there were a bunch of teenagers in attendance. I was less than enthralled with their prepubescence. I don't really care, go ahead and look like slobs on purpose, I look like a slob by accident a lot of the time. What I can't bear is your body odour. I'll admit it, I have a B.O. phobia and carry deodorant around in my purse/schoolbag. I understand that's not for everyone. Regular showers, however, are for everyone. Lather, rinse, repeat people. Thanks.

I've included visual aids to show that we're adults, attending the theatre, appreciating culture and the like.

Exhibit A:
We have appropriate footwear. Adult footware! I love you red shoes, why do you hate me?
Exhibit B:
Susan is howling at the moon. Jowie likes it.
Exhibit C:
We do not appreciate outlandish hats. Okay, I don't like outlandish hats. Susan and Jo claim that this is perfect on me. It's like crushed velvet with weird fringe. What? This hat is only for blind ghetto thugs.
Exhibit D:
I took pictures of the lit stairs that were NOT easy to walk down. When your foot is already on a downward slope and you walk on a downward slope tragedy awaits. High heels are definitely special occasion shoes for Toni; once every seven months or so should do me just fine.

Okay, I'm not going to be all, I meant for this picture to be blurry; I'd hate to lie to you, dear reader. I wanted a clear picture of the stair lights, but I think the blurriness doesn't necessarily detract from the overall photographic beauty. We'll just call it art, okay?

Happy Teacher's Day!

This picture was taken last year in Afghanistan and is of a village school donated by Japan. Now, I'm sure the Japanese were doing a really nice thing when they gave the Afghanis the school, all I'm wondering is what exactly they donated. The cardboard that the teacher is using to illustrate his lesson? The stick holding it up? Surely it's not the sand as I have it on good authority that there's a buyer's market for sand in Afghanistan.

And the ground had to be demined before any cardboard-learning could take place. Not the sweetest piece of real estate Japan! For shame.

You know, I had it pretty rough in highschool too. There was this one portable that was far away from the main building and was really old and leaked when it rained.

Yeah, you win again Afghanistan. I concede.

Picture shamelessly stolen from Slate.com.

Tempy.

I worked last week. Another temp assignment. Not in a candy factory! YAYAYAYAYAYAY! It was with a goverment building management facility and I was working reception. An important part of my job was calling the janitorial staff (on a walkie talkie!) when someone vomited somewhere in the building. I was an integral cog in the machine!

Most of it was excellent. Everyone was really nice. There were a few things I'd forgotten about working in an office and that veneer of niceness, mostly insincere or overdone, was one of them. Working in the candy factory they basically yelled and pointed, you can't have polite conversation with earplugs in and the candy coming out of the machine at top speed.

My temp boss made me laugh. He was a short guy with a Bill Gates Bowl Cut (BGBC) but the voice is what really sold me on him. Something like Will Ferrell's voice immodulation bit from SNL only more pompous.

Also something that I think is a part of the mysterious world of office culture that I'd forgotten? Purrell. It's everywhere. Anti-bacterial stuff in the washroom is one thing but it was on every desk and sitting right on my desk in case anyone came in and felt the need to sanitize immediately. And they did.

Makes me wonder what they know that I don't know.

Nothing says Autumn like decorative gourds.

In which I see no one I know and take pictures of foliage. Again. I want to take more face pictures but I feel like if I run around taking pictures of people that don't know me, someone's going to beat me up.

I love Autumn. Expect to be inudated with pictures of the leaves turning colour. I never met a photographic cliche I didn't like.

"Truman actually produced democracy and freedom and peace, whereas you want credit for your hopes."

Just read an excellent article on Slate.com. The article puts forth a simplistic argument and one that isn't really novel in that even I, in one of my mostly nonsensical rants, have said it. Namely, that Bush's foreign policy doesn't jive with his domestic stance on stem cell research. For all that I've heard it before, it was nice to see someone in the media publish it. Refreshing, even.

"But it is hard —indeed, I would say it is impossible —to reconcile Bush's absolutism over alleged human life when it is a clump of unknowing, unfeeling cells with his sophisticated, if not cavalier, attitude toward the loss of innocent human life when it is children and adults in Iraq.

In all discussions weighing the cost of something-or-other in terms of human life, a philosopher pops up at this point and says that the crucial difference is a matter of intentions. Terrorists purposely target innocent civilians. We try hard not to kill innocent civilians, even if we know it can't be avoided. They're worse, even if our score is sadly higher.

But are stem cells any different? Stem-cell researchers don't want to kill embryos. They know that the deaths of embryos are a consequence of what they do, and they think that curing terrible diseases is worth it —just as President Bush thinks that bringing democracy to Iraq is worth it. In the case of stem cells, there is the added element that the embryos in question will be killed (or pointlessly frozen indefinitely) anyway if they are not used for research. And —oh, yes —there is still the question of whether a clump of a half-dozen cells you can't see without a microscope is actually a human being in the same sense as a 6-year-old girl blown up as she skips off to kindergarten in Baghdad."

Quite highly recommended.