Toothpaste: An analytical approach.

So I bought some toothpaste the other day, as those of us with teeth tend to, and as I was brushing my teeth tonight, I was struck by two things:

Thing the first: My toothpaste (that claims to whiten my teeth) has little specks all through it reminiscent of the sparkly, bubblegum toothpaste of my youth. Felt like I was six years old again. An overgrown six year old who gets to stay home on her own and has access to as much naughty material as she likes.

Thing the second: My toothpaste isn't mint. Or, it's not just mint. It's Extreme Herbal Mint. This puzzled me. The thing is, I knew that mint was an herb before they threw it on my toothpaste bottle, as I'm not a complete moron. It's not like with this new toothpaste they just shoved some mint leaves in a bottle and told you to squirt some out and chew; ultimately still highly processed. (Note to self: invent new leafy toothpaste. would probably appeal to the hippies. Who I have the utmost respect for.) And seriously, what exactly makes my new, herbally toothpaste so extreme? When it's not cleaning my teeth is it out snowboarding down the Himalayas? Now THAT would be an impressive toothpaste.