The Best Competition in the History of Competing for Stuff.

Your long search is over. I've discovered the only competition worth taking part of in the whole world. They're called the Chap Olympics. This even is held annually by Chaps Magazine - the bible for traditional gentlemen who are against the "vulgarity of modern culture."
Atheletic gear is expressly forbidden.

The event pictured here is a dry martini making competition. I think the guy with the magical facial hair in the above pictures is confident in the excellence of his martini. Another event? Passing the pipe 100 M. Bet you didn't know we'd taken part in the Chap Olympics eh 10 Stanley?

"These Olympics are for the immaculate of trouser, the frail of form and the fearful of sport."

I suspect that these Olympics don't involve much sweating or sportsmanship. Sounds like my kind of event. If you want to sponsor me for next year's games, just put your money in a brown sack with a big dollar sign and Toni Bank written on it. Alternatively, you can buy me some of the gear I'll need to compete. I'm going to need one of the above funny hats, some pants that tuck into my tall black leather boots and probably a pipe. Also, someone's going to need to teach me to make a dry martini.

Brought to you by Britain: The Country with the Most Crazy People per Square Kilometre. God love 'em!

Oh BBC, you're the gift that just keeps on giving!