Putting you on notice.

Consider this me putting Fergie on notice, Stephen Colbert style.

Dear Fergie,

Stop ruining my life with your horrible song. I was looking at my London pictures the other day and your charming little ditty popped into my head like some sort of unwanted soundtrack. "How come everytime you come around, My London, London bridge, wanna go down like." Lyrics (the ones that are in recognizable English, unlike the majority of the song) like this make me think about your song far too much. What is your London Bridge? I know you're not in charge of the real thing! Is it your underwear? Or is London Bridge a metaphor for you? Do YOU "wanna go down"? Your oral sex issues/wardrobe malfunctions don't concern me. Stop ruining my favourite city with your puerile, nonsensical, Gwen Stefani-wannabe song.

It occurs to me that this isn't the first time you've been in trouble with Toni. I had an issue with My Humps too. If trends continue I'm going to have to sic my goon squad on you.

Ear-bleedingly yours,

Toni F. Bank