Smile like you mean it.

Complete blog block. It really seems like since school ended I have nothing to say, relatively speaking of course. Kind of worrisome. Probably has more to do with the fact that I've been out a lot lately, spending less time stewing in my own head. Anyways, I'm just going to write and see where it goes.

We had our grad photos done today. The photographer talked the entire time and I had no idea when he was taking the picture, so there's definitely going to be some shots where I'm not looking my best. Also, he was telling us an alarming story about a man, who apparently harasses children on campus, known affectionately as 'Chester the Molester'. So I really think I must be wearing an alarmed expression in quite a few of them.

It was really a trip wearing the gowns and the Bachelor of Arts hood things or whatever they call the red and gold and white thing that hangs over your gown. One of the more significant things that made me feel like a graduate.

I was ridiculously worried about how I looked for the photos (and terrorized Jo accordingly) despite the fact that my family has expressed absolutely no interest in the photos. They're weird that way, I can never be sure what the father and grandmother are going to be freaking out about.

As an aside, sometimes it's the stupid little things that make me think about my mom not being around. Throughout the whole grad photo process, it's really hit me as Susan and Jo's moms really wanted them to get the photos done. The photographer said something about keeping the mothers happy when he was taking my indoor pictures and it reminded me again. Not remind in the sense that I'd forgotten my mom was dead ('cause, duh), just that I don't always think about how my life is different from someone who still has a mom. It is what it is at this point, you know?

Sometimes I want to be really irreverent about it. Keep in mind that there's a lot of distance between me and the actual 'event' as my mom died when I was 12. Obviously I'm screwed up and everything, probably going to need buckets of therapy when I hit 30, but there isn't the same immediacy. An irreverent for instance? When the photographer said his thing about pleasing mothers today I was really tempted to say, "Well, no problem with that here. My mom's dead." But people (except for possibly Jo) would just b e horrified. Maybe you're even horrified reading it.

That was a pretty long aside.

And wow. Seriously. Come to Toni's blog for a good time.