Weekend at Grannie's.

Preface: I adore my grandparents. They love me like no one else.

I don't know if everyone's grandparents are as weird as mine. They are legally insane. Only, you know, not really. If nature and/or nurture have anything to say about it, Future-Toni is screwed. Mentally.

Case A: My grandparents have taken it upon themselves to feed the local squirrel population. To that end one of them puts nuts outside everyday. Unfortunately this has created a pigeon problem, as the birds like the nuts as well. Grandparental solution: A squirt bottle that sits near the sliding glass door that they spray at the pigeons if rattling the blinds doesn't scare them off.

Case B: My grandpa formed a club with his friends called The Olde Farts Club, they have a President even though (as far as I can discern) the only thing they do is go out once a week and drink/bowl. My grandma refers, good-naturedly, to the Club as "Your Grandfather and his gay friends."

Case C:
Grandfather to Granddaughter: Spaghetti sauce is on sale, take these 10 million cans.
Granddaughter: Thanks Grandpa, but I don't need that many.
Grandfather: But it was only 63 cents!

A week from now, when I'm out of money, I'll be drinking spaghetti sauce, I can just feel it.

Case D: Grandmother to Granddaughter: So you'll be done school soon (pointed look).
REPEAT A THOUSAND TIMES

Case E: The daily game of Gin. Grandparents are creatures of habits and must play five games of Gin everyday. Grandfather is the superior Gin player and delights in egging grandmother on, grandmother is easily angered. When grandpa wins, she can and WILL shout at him. A lot. Her favourite, I've discerned with my tender ears, is horseball. Ex.: "Is that Gin you Horseball?!"